Animal Facts
Welcome to the jungle we got Animal Facts! For the best possible experience, read these in the voice of Sir David Attenborough. You need a little help with that? Here how is this? Quite prim and proper now I must say. Prepare for a journey into the wildest of facts!
Nah wait lets change that... That voice is too hard on my voice tube. How about a throwback to the glory days of Animal Planet? WERE COUNTING DOWN THE TOP 20 MOST UNBELIEVABLE ANIMAL FACTS ON THE INTERNET. TRY TO KEEP UP AS WE TAKE FACT WEBPAGES... TO THE MOST EXTREME!
- COWS: Cows have been discovered to enjoy human music and are slowly evolving the capability to breakdance to it. They are learning!
- DOGS: Did you know that dogs can skateboard, surf, and do parkour? Now that's pretty extreme but hey, we're only on number 19... Hold on to your tits, were approaching even more extreme facts!
- TIGERS: Tigers are pretty cool on their own but did you know they could climb to the top of Mount Everest...which is over 30,000ft in the air!
- SPIDERS: The number of web layers on a spiders web is how many years they spent in spider prison. Some species of spiders have heirarchies that involve capturing other misbehaving spiders and jailing them.
- FALCONS: Falcons are the first non-human to ever get a Redbull sponsership.
- RACOONS: What?! Thats right. Racoons have opposable thumbs and hand dexterity to the likes of humans. Some scientists have seen urban racoons develop hand gestures like the Shred It Thats G-g-g-gnarly brah hand gesture and also the classic Fuck you times two double flip off! They have even been seen jay-walking.
- PENGUINS: Speaking of gnarly, did you know rock hopper penguins can surf? In the nature documentry Surf's Up (2007), Cody Maverick the penguin becomes a legend and surfs the largest waves on Earth. Dogs are not even close to the levels penguins surf at.
- PANDAS: Pandas know Kung Fu. In the nature documentry Kung Fu Panda (2008), a panda named Po masters the Wuxi Finger Hold technique. Po is currently the only living organism capable of performing this move.
- MONKEYS: Monkeys are the only known animal to play multiplayer FPS games. They are also arguably better than most humans if trained correctly. According to scientists, 80% of the monkey sample group whom were given a "miracle concoction" featuring: amphetamines, methamphetamines, and methcathinone performed at a "MLG level". One monkey named affectionately, Ace, within a day got 83 tactical nuke killstreaks in Modern Warfare 2 (2009). The same Monkey even survived to round 57 in Call of Duty World at War (2008) Der Riese map.
- CHAMELEONS: Everybody knows chameleons can change color according to what their touching, but did you know they can also go invisible? Recent studies found out that if a chameleon is touching glass, it becomes see-through. You can see it's skeleton which is pretty extreme!
- MEGALODONS: Megalodons were the biggest sharks in the world. They are known for their incredible size but not for their acrobatics. Paleontologists have found evidence that males could have performed triple backflips to attract lady megalodons. Bow-chicka-wowow!
- SEALS: In 1989, a covert United States program trained SEALS in aquatic and sub-aquatic inflatration. On October 2nd, 2011, this same very team assassinated Osama Bin Laden in his own compound in Afghanistan. Because seals are smart and can do tricks, as well as function on land as well as water, they were the perfect combat animal. After becoming Americas heroes, they retired and sold books. What? They shot Osama Bin Laden and your suprised they can write?
- CHARIZARDS: Charizards can spit fire hot enough to melt boulders, and it can fly to around 4600ft! Yes, I know charizard are only 5'07" but size isn't everything!
- HONEY BADGERS: Honey Badgers don't care. Honey badgers do not give a FUCK! They eat bees straight from the hive. Nasty!
- CHEETAHS: Cheetahs are the fastest land mammals on earth and can even beat olympic runners. The most well known of all cheetahs, Chester Cheetah, invented Cheetos (the dangerously cheesy snack), starred in two video games, and inspired many young people to develop a lifestyle of not giving a damn and wearing sunglasses.
- BEETLES: Some beetles are extreme. Everytime a Dung Beetle poops, it takes it with em. Eventually they pile their own shit into a massive ball and balance on it like a circus act. Imagine if humans did that? Eww!
- WOLVES: Wolves are are the best hunters in the world, but do you know why they howl at the moon? I don't but it sounds really cool.
- GHOST WOLVES: When wolves die there is a chance they become a cool kind of ghost wolf. Now that's extremely cool.
- GORILLAS: Gorillas are so strong they can punch holes in titanuim steel (approximately 20,000 Newtons)! They also defend their kin from children that fall into their enclosures. Sadly the Children Gorilla War was lost on the side of the Gorrilas when their democratic leader, Harambe, was led into a trap orchestarted by radical leftists who used a kid as bait. Harambe was shot to death while trying to establish a peace treaty, on the morning of May 18th, 2016 in an event known as the "Point of No Return". Harambe left behind 12 wives and 40 baby gorillas.
- YOU: You are the most extreme animal and that's a fact!
This is what humans would look like if they evolved to be more extreme!
Extreme mouths on humans enable extreme watermelon eating! Chomp chomp!
If humans had extreme eyes!